We as humans are required by nature to participate in thousands and thousand of different instances of social interaction throughout our lives. Now, this occurs regardless of whether you are shy or not. Whether you like the interactions or not, this will still occur. It becomes a necessary part of our lives, it becomes something which we get to a point in which we feel a desire to have these interactions. The problem arises when a person does not posses the knowledge and lacks the understanding necessary to handle this interactions and turn them into a very enjoyable experience.
To begin with, we must understand that everything we do, say, think, feel, etc. originates in our brain (mind). Therefore to improve the quality of our social interactions we must develop our minds and provide it with the necessary tools and understanding that will allow us to easily manage and understand what is going on in our social interactions.
When we engage ourselves in social interactions our brains experience fireworks. An influx of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, emotions, chemicals, hormones, and neurons get stimulated and excited and start rushing around your brain according to how you command them. But we also have those strong thoughts coming from the back of our minds and influencing us. These thoughts are usually coming from our subconscious mind, and are usually those strong thoughts, concepts, ideas, and beliefs which we have cultivated for a long time and have turned into part of our nature.
A beautiful thing I have learned through experience is that the more you know and the higher your level of understanding is, the more calm and confident you feel when involved in a social interaction. This may explain why an adult is so calm and relax while a kid might be very nervous and maybe even afraid when interacting with this adult. The more we know the calmer and more relaxed we are. Now, when we get an interaction between two people with a high level of knowledge and understating; they both can feel calm and relax since they are aware of everything that is happening and have everything under control. This is the situation in which one can have a very nice, relaxed, enjoyable, and stimulating conversation with another person.
If one analyzes, one could notice that in all conversations the person with more knowledge seems to be the calmer one. The person that does not know much seems to be slightly agitated and nervous. This is due to the effects of the thoughts produced when we, mostly, unconsciously measure the quality of our level of knowledge in order to interact with a specific person. When we have thoughts of the other person knowing a lot of things we don’t know, or the other person having the ability to ask us something that we do not understand, or the other person being superior due to their knowledge being higher than ours, then we start to trigger the feelings of insecurity, nervousness, and we are not able to flow smoothly.
If you realize, the highly intellectual can flow with great easy and without even a slight hint of insecurity. In most of the cases it is easy to determine when there is a big contrast in the levels of intelligence. The person with a small mind, is usually nervous, and agitated. For them it becomes difficult to quickly and effectively transmit or even generate thoughts and feelings into words.
The person with the lower level of intelligence fears the wit of the person with more intelligence, when there is a significant gap of intelligence. Now, all of these negative feelings, thoughts, and emotions can be eliminated by the education of the mind. When new thoughts, beliefs, concepts, etc. are deeply studied, then they become part of our subconscious mind. Then these new, empowering thoughts, are the ones that start running in the backs of our heads as the interaction is happening.
One very helpful thought and concept, which one should heavily ponder upon is the thought that whoever you are interacting with is just another human being just like you and that you are not going to die, nor is anything bad going to happen, so therefore you should have no pressure and just relax while enjoying the conversation. We should train ourselves to enjoy the interactions instead of fearing them.
We should not focus in weaknesses and/or insecurities but rather on the things that make us strong, confident, interesting, etc. we should focus on just being ourselves because we know that being ourselves we are good enough to have an extraordinary performance. You have to let the thought of interactions being really easy to you to sink deep into your subconscious mind. And sometimes even though one must be the brightest in the room one might become inferior be entertaining doubts about others being superior.
You should have a high self-esteem and understand that you are very damn good. Not saying that you should be proud, but you should have powerful thoughts influencing your feelings and emotions. You must stop caring too much and just flow without thinking not for one second what others think of you or how you are looking to them.
A very funny paradox, tends to happen when the people involved in the interaction have a weak mentality, are self-conscious, are insecure, try to impress others, and need approval from others. In a case where both people, or everyone in the group, in an interaction share this weak mental state a very funny situation rises. While they all interact, each one of them is focusing intensely on what the others are thinking of them, how the others see them, how are the others judging them, whether the other gives them approval etc.When they do this they both adapt the inferior position.
By both being in the inferior position they are both believing that the other person is in the superior position, when in reality the other person is thinking exactly the same they are and are trying to get their approval, impress them and they wonder how they look to them. In reality one of the two is really not focused at all on how the other looks, he is also not even close to the notion of having to provide approval for that person, and he does not even imagine the the other person is trying to impress him. All these happens because the one is way too busy focusing in exactly the same (get approval, impress, wonder how the other sees him) as the other. And because of this fact both approach the inferior position in which they are trying to impress a superior being which does not exist.
Now, the intelligent person becomes indeed the superior being when encountered with an individual who carries this inferior mentality. The intelligent person has the capability to easily sense when another is nervous and is trying to impress him in an interaction. The intelligent person has the necessary knowledge, beliefs, and thoughts to allow him to remain calmed and relax while deeply analyzing the other person. The intelligent understands that all the inferior person is focusing is how he (the inferior) looks to him ( the superior). Since the intelligent understands that this focus does not allow for the inferior to even think much of how the intelligent looks, then the intelligent assumes the role of superior since he has no worries at all on how he looks to the inferior nor is he trying to impress the inferior in no way. Therefore the inferior grants the power to the superior to be the one who judge, be the one who needs to be impressed, and be the one who causes them to get nervous. By their strong mentality of having no need to impress the other and having no worries on how the other sees him, the intelligent becomes calm and relax and gains control of the interaction.
Now, the inferior person tends to forget or not really understand the fact that just like themselves nobody else can see their own face or body when interacting with others. Thus we can see the faces and bodies of everybody else but not our own; in the same way as everybody else can see the face and bodies of others but not their own. If one gives power to others because they know that they can look at them but don’t think about the fact that you have exactly the same ability to look at the other without the other being able to look at himself. From inside our world it could seem as if the other can see themselves and knows exactly how they look like but that is not possible unless they are in front of large mirror the whole. But when one is confident it seems as if one knows exactly what one looks like and one shows a very high level of security. The non confident person makes the confident superior by heavily wondering how they look like and giving the power to the other to see them and judge them as they please. They allow the other to judge their appearance but they act as if they have no right to then judge the appearance of the other because they have the feeling that the other can see himself.
No matter how attractive a person might be, they cannot see themselves, just like you cannot see yourself. They can see you, but you can see them as well.
In conclusion, Be confident. Fill your head with knowledge and understanding. Never go for the approval of others, let them come for your approval. Never try to impress them, let them impress you. Never wonder how they see you, focus rather on how you see them. Never be nervous because of them, let them be nervous because of you. Always assume the role of the superior, and your high level of intelligence will allow you to stay on top, calm and relax because you know and believe that you can very easily handle any kind of interaction.